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Ch. 22 Carnival

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Chapters 1 and 2 methuselah87.deviantart.com/ar…

Sam is a bit peeved over Jim getting into the exciting part of their vacation - the new alien! Why does he get to have all the fun? Jim's grandmother tells him to invite Spock to the carnival tonight, so they can all bond together. And maybe it'd make Sam less mean!

Ch. 19 methuselah87.deviantart.com/ar…
Ch. 23 ??
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brokenvine's avatar
:star::star::star::star: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Impact

Told you you i would get around to it! <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="15" height="15" alt=":D" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="366" title=":D (Big Grin)"/> Alright.

Vision: 4.5 I can clearly see the scene when you write, but what I don't understand why Sam hates Spock so much. Possibly elaborate on that.
Originality: 5.0 I realize there are a lot of SpockXKirk fanfictions out there, but not a lot when they were kids. And there are definitely only one or two with them as children with Amanda ON Earth.
Technique: 3.5 While the writing is amazing I feel like the story doesn't progress fast enough. I love how you have more Spock and Kirk now, but I do feel like you should have the story go a little faster.
Impact: 4.5 A big impact on me at least. Probably the best fanfic I've read a you've got me going on dA way more then I should! <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="15" height="15" alt=":D" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="366" title=":D (Big Grin)"/>

Keep up the amazing work,
Brokenvine